"Haze"

shes_a_sprite @ 1:44 AM.

break

shes_a_sprite @ 1:33 AM.

brief update...

shes_a_sprite @ 8:41 PM.

If you like poetry

It occurs to me that "The Muse" is a classy kind of place. If it were a bar it would probably cater to social drinkers and cut off alcoholics at the first belligerent outburst. There would most likely be a steady diet of big band and Sinatra as well as a suit and tie dress code. Refined, you know?

It is the kind of place where people do not say anything negative towards one another. They accept each others work and strictly adhere to the "dress code." The dress code being, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. The crowd that circulates here is intelligent and discreet. There's a few bawdy taverns down the street where people will tell you exactly what they think and a little more than you want to hear, if you go for that sort of thing. People didn't come to "The Muse" for that.

The owner, a classy dame herself, modeled this establishment in her image. She was always tactful and discreet with her friends before opening shop, and just seemed to kind of inject that aura into the place.

I personally find myself visiting a plethora of "bars" and "taverns" in this neighborhood.
One for every mood I happen to find myself afflicted with. But when I want to be treated kindly and with respect, when I need a "shelter from the storm," I come to "The Muse." Mostly I don't say much, just listen. Still yet the people here accept me for all my silence and take it in stride. It's a welcome warm feeling that's rare in this dirty town.



Thanks for that...


-ghost

shes_a_sprite @ 9:48 AM.

Even someone with a Jaded heart

Titanic

Jack: I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have nothing to offer you and I know that. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right.
Rose: Well, I'm fine. I'll be fine. Really.
Jack: Really? I don't think so. They've got you trapped Rose and you're gonna die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong, but soon, that fire that I love much about you Rose, that fire's going to burn out.
Rose: It's not up to you to save me Jack.
Jack: I know, only you can do that.

And another…

Jack: Listen Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and make lots of babies, and your gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old lady warm in her bed, but not here not this night. Not like this do you understand me?
Rose: I can't feel my body.
Jack: Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.
Rose: I promise.
Jack: Never let go.
Rose: I'll never let go. I'll never let go, Jack.

The Notebook
Young Noah: My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah

Pearl Harbor
Evelyn: If I had one more night to live... I'd wanna spend it with you.

And another
Evelyn: Every night I watch the sunset and soak up every last ray of its warmth, and send it from my heart to yours.

Troy
Helen: I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of tomorrow. I'm afraid of watching you sail away and knowing you'll never come back. Before you came to Sparta, I was a ghost. I walked and I ate and I swam in the sea... I was just a ghost.
Paris: You don't have to fear tomorrow... come with me!
Helen: Don't play with me, don't play.
Paris: If you come, we'll never be safe. Men will hunt us, the gods will curse us, but I'll love you. Until the day they burn my body, I'll love you.

Sleepless in Seattle
Sam Baldwin: Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: Tell me what was so special about your wife?
Sam Baldwin: Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.

What Dreams May Come
Chris Nielsen: Is that a kind of occupational hazard of soul mates ? One's not much without the other ?

And another
Chris Nielsen: Thank you for every kindness. Thank you for our children. For the first time I saw them. Thank you for being someone I was always proud to be with. For your guts, for your sweetness. For how you always looked, for how I always wanted to touch you. God, you were my life. I apologize for every time I ever failed you. Especially this one...

Meet Joe Black
William Parrish: Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

City of Angels
Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.

Seth: Some things are true whether you believe in them or not.

A Knights Tale
William: It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. I next compete in the city of Paris, I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there. Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you.

Runaway Bride
Ike Graham: [On the perfect proposal] Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
Marian: You came for me... You're alive...
Robin of Locksley: I would die for you.

The Princess Bride
Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you.
Buttercup: But how can you be sure?
Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day?

And another

Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well... you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.

And another
Buttercup: You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.

Dirty Dancing
Baby: Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.

Johnny Castle: I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer; somebody who's taught me that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them; somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be.

shes_a_sprite @ 6:35 PM.

~Evil Day~

shes_a_sprite @ 5:47 PM.

Movie Quote

shes_a_sprite @ 8:59 PM.

~Heavenly Weekend~

shes_a_sprite @ 4:21 PM.

I have been avoiding an update...

I have been reluctant to update because I have been in a weird sort of mood lately. Today I decided to be as defiant as possible, and wore not only blue jeans to work, but a ballcap as well! My mood has to do with a lot of things I think, so here goes...

I am not doing nearly as well in school as I am used to, and I know that the University is supposed to be harder than a community college, but I "hit the ground running" so to speak, in expectation of this increase in difficulty. It has not helped one little bit. I am steadily achieving B's, with twice the amount of effort I used to put into an A, and it is quite frustrating! I do my homework, I read the text twice, sometimes three times, I create an in-depth study guide to and including defining all bold terms and major ideas in the text, defining all key terms in the review at the end of the chapter, and typing the quiz with correct answer from the back of the chapter (let alone completing it before I create the study guide) This process usually takes about 6 hours or more. Once I have completed my study guide, I memorize it, and I review both his out line for our class notes, and my notes located on my laptop.

Now you tell me what else I can do to prepare for his F'ing tests. Please, if you have a suggestion that will help I am all ears. I just do not know how else to study, what else I can do. It royally pisses me off...

Now, onto my statistics for engineer's class. I took this class only because it is a new requirement for a psychology major, and I have had statistics one so no big deal right? WRONG! We started doing this thing called integrals the other day, and I got completely lost. Apparently it was something I was supposed to have learned in Calculus. There is only one small problem with that. I never took calculus. I advised my teacher of this fact this morning when I asked her if she would be available to assist me in acquiring this knowledge. She then advised that calculus was a prerequisite for this class, and that she is unsure as to how I got into to it. And then asked why I was taking it if I was just a psychology/ criminal justice major. I was like Great. So I am slightly behind in there and do not see me getting an A in this class either. There goes my A average, there goes my dream, there goes Phi Beta Kappa.

Onto my next issue, other than school, I have also been feeling a little depressed lately. I think it could have a lot to do with reoccurring, as well as new nightmares. The reoccurring ones have a lot to do with the past, and are mostly memories that I forbid myself to think about let alone talk about. They have been an issue since I was a child, starting just after it all occurred. But the new ones have been just as disturbing.

I dreamt Tuesday night that I died. I had a heart attack, while I was at work, and I was floating above myself, watching them try to resuscitate me, which eventually worked, but I remember it being a very painful death. This really bothered me until about an hour ago when I remembered something a friend said to me a couple of weeks ago. I analyzed my dream, as I often do, and I am not so sure it was a heart attack but a broken heart. I also think that the fact that I was at work when it happened had significance. I have been discontent with work for sometime now, but is not something I am willing to dredge up as I have coworkers who read this, not that they are not to be trusted, just that I don't want to trouble their work stress with my work stress. If that makes any sense.

This really did bother me, a lot until just about an hour ago like I said previously. A very dear friend to me told me about three weeks ago that when you dream that you die, it symbolizes a re- birth. This struck me as I again fretted over the meaning of this dream. It all made sense. Yes, I think in my dream I died of a broken heart, but it also symbolized the fact that I have let him go in my heart. I was clinging to the hope that we would in the future be together, and that nothing had really changed except that I don't see him, (or sleep with him.) But that we were still really close emotionally and right for each other. I think I have become fed up with this idea. The jaded me is back. I let him in, I got hurt, yet I remained the caring loving person that I was towards him. I talked to him pretty much the same amount; of course I did not answer my phone as much. But something in me has changed. I find things that I used to find about him cute, annoying. I find myself ignoring more of his phone calls, and when I do answer them, I am brief and cold. I do not flirt with him, though he still does with me. I find him to be arrogant, and inattentive to everyone's feelings but his own. I do not know if this is just my anger kicking in, my defense mechanism of pushing hard and using their weaknesses, or if this is really how he is, but I know that I am ready to be rid of him. He simply cannot expect me to wait around for him, while he gets his money from his father. He traded me in for a truck. He told his father that we broke up, and now his father is going to help him buy a Harley Davidson truck, spoiled? Nah, not him, his father is not only going to help him buy a truck, but pay for half of his rent, And braces. I am just not that dependant on anyone. And I definitely would not let my father tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. I am ready to move on. A rebirth...

As for the other nightmares, they interrupt my sleep, leave my with a thudding heart in a cold sweat. The other day I heard the term WNAMO it means what nightmares are made of… thought it was a neat term.

In other news, my father called the other night to tell me he got my graduation picture. I have not heard from him (of his own free will) since November. Remember I graduated December 10^th. So it took me by surprise. Well, not quite what to say to him, or how to act, I began babbling about my new apartment. He then acted completely surprised that I moved, even though I have told him on three occasions and in two emails. He asked if I needed anything for the apartment, and I have never answered a question more happily. I replied, "Nope, I think we got it covered, which is why I got a second job." I do not need anything from him; I will never again have to depend on him for anything. Ha.

Other than that my life is kind of boring. I go to work, I do homework, I go to school, and I sleep. Sometimes I watch a movie. Watched Vanity Fair the other day, very, Very good movie! I think I will have to own this one. Don't worry I am not going to spoil it for you. Just go watch it. Nothing else of interest has happened, So I think I shall end here. I will leave off with a few thoughts…

shes_a_sprite @ 5:04 PM.

shes_a_sprite @ 4:50 PM.

About me

Name : Heather
Age : 25
School : UF
Location: Gainesville, FL
About Me:
Just a woman trying to find her way. These are the innermost thoughts of me, who am I? Just read and see. If I stir in you, any emotion at all, then I have reached my goal. Forever me...


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